A post written with the original chuffin cat – sadly no longer with us, but her successor continues the fun and frivolity! Read on to discover more about Ethelbert, the main character who inspired me to write this blog.
The chuffin cat is a large fluffy sod of a cat with fat fur, bad breath and a mean attitude. Not to mention delusions of grandeur.
What? Oh sorry, apparently I’m not allowed to write that. Ahem.
“The Chuffin Cat, aka Ethelbert Mulberry Rabbitsfoot, is a beautiful tortoiseshell Maine Coon with long, silky fur that shimmers in the sunlight as she glides gracefully around the garden.”
She’s also a bully who terrorises son no 3 and falls off tables.
What now? Oh for goodness’ sake.
“She is a highly skilled hunter who manages her staff with ruthless efficiency.”
She’s also scared of chickens.
OUCH! And she bites when she doesn’t get her own way.
“She is a superb salsa dancer and is well-known locally for her amazing vocal skills in late-night karaoke sessions.”
Yes, that’s true, she does have a big gob. Nothing that can’t be solved with a foot to the arse of her fat, fluffy trousers to enable her a swift exit outside though.
Ha! Oh yes, and she’s also frightened of her electronic cat flap.
Eh? What now? Oh. *sigh*
“She has a personal security door which she is reluctant to use as the loud <beep> it emits really cocks up her expert silent ninja routine.”
Plus it’s a real effort to squeeze her fat arse through it.
“She is also an expert at meditation and finds it helps her to achieve inner peace.”
Yes, she’s often stoned on catnip.
“The Chuffin Cat would like to extend her grateful thanks to all her loyal fans for making this blog possible in her bid for worldwide domination. Even the commoners.”
Yeah, yeah. I get it. Where’s the food?