Who knew
that the humble poo
would come in so many guises?
Or that doctors and nursing
staff spent time conversing
on what each poo symbolises?

 There’s hard poo and runny poo
that’s graded 1 to 7,
with soft poo the consistency
of clotted cream from Devon.

 The ideal poo is sausage-shaped.
It’s long and smooth – don’t spoil it
with nobbly, bobbly, nutty bits
to pebbledash the toilet.

 Not only do you have to log
the date and time and ‘stool type’,
you also need to document
the colour down the soil pipe.

 There’s also room for comments
should you wish to add a note
how satisfying your poo was
and whether it would float.

 But just one word of warning
as you poo with all your might…
if it emerges looking like a snake,
make sure it doesn’t bite!