New Discoveries


Tufty Toes!The life of a kitten is a busy one. There is always something new to learn, something dangerously exciting to discover. Not to mention the concentration involved in growing a fabulously fluffy undercarriage and tremendously tufty toes. Yes, it’s been a busy few weeks for Gloria Chufflepuff. Here are some highlights:

Kitchen floors are ridiculously good fun.
It is possible to power slide in circles on a wooden floor and, with a little practice, you can even avoid smashing head first into the kitchen bin.

Did someone just touch my food bowl?Balloons are one of the best toys ever invented.
If you wallop them hard enough, they bounce all along the furniture. You can then hurtle off in hot pursuit, using your razor sharp claws as grappling hooks on the soft furnishings. Best of all, if you stick out your claws you can <pop> the balloon and then carry the soggy remains about in your mouth. Until your human staff member screams and wrestles it from your chops that is.

I love my feather dusterFeather dusters make splendid friends.
Even if they are bigger than you, it is still possible to transport them about the house by clamping one end in your mouth and dragging the rest along the floor between your legs. Beware the feather duster that fights back though. Whilst it seems like a soft target, it can deliver a swift kick back when you least expect it.

A puzzling puzzle...Train your human staff members.
If you want to play ‘fetch’ and there is no human around to oblige, you need to collect all the toys you can find and place them in a pile on your human’s favourite chair. The harder the toy, the better. You then need to knock over a cushion to keep the toys safe and hide them from view. The next time your human lowers themself to sit down in the chair, they will be delighted to discover your stash of carefully deposited items. So delighted in fact that they will throw each and every item all at once for you to retrieve.
Such training is vital and should be carried out on a regular basis. Humans are often slow to catch on.

"It wasnt me!"Cat furniture is never robust enough
You were in no way responsible for this cat-astrophe…and now you have nowhere to sleep. The world is going to end. Until your human staff member retrieves a hammer and some extra heavy duty fittings that is.

Delight can be short-lived.
Remember your excitement on the day you realised your tail had grown long enough to reach your mouth?
Remember how you swished your tail proudly to and fro, and each time you caught it in your mouth you chuckled away to yourself?
Remember how good it felt to have something new to play with?
Then remember how you got a little too carried away and enthusiastically chomped down on it as if it was a furry kebab. OUCH!

My "coy" side - yes it says "coy" on my side.


Ten Differences Between a 4 month old Baby and a 4 month old Kitten



Butter Wouldn't Melt...

Heh heh1 A baby won’t sit in the middle of your dining room table and lick its bum

2 Share your bed with a baby and it will lay next to you and coo at your face; share your bed with a kitten and it will be found having a loud party with your feet, under the duvet at the bottom of the bed

Ambush Mode3 A baby won’t hide behind the sofa and ambush unsuspecting humans as they nonchalantly amble past

4 A baby won’t take one sip of milk and then complain that the bottle is empty

Take enough photos and your kitten will learn to smile on cue5 Whilst a baby might cry when it is hungry, it won’t sit in the middle of the kitchen floor and shout, “HAM!” at the top of its voice each time you try to make a sandwich

6 A baby won’t sit directly in front of the television screen and slap the footballers on the head when ‘Match of the Day’ is playing

Feeling Hungry7 A baby might like to watch the raindrops as they meander down the window; a kitten will only watch for so long before jumping up and down on the windowsill and crash landing in your favourite plant pot

8 A baby won’t swipe a freshly baked bun off your plate

9 Place a small baby on the floor and chances are it will stay there; place a kitten on the floor and it will skedaddle in search of mischief. Or food

Never leave your kitten alone with your phone10 A baby won’t take selfies on your phone when you’re not looking

Things Gloria has discovered this week



1 If you push hard on the side of your water bowl, it is possible to flip the bowl up, give yourself a bath and wear the bowl as a hat.

And stretch!2 The shoulder of a human is a great place upon which to sit. Unless you fall off, in which case you can just dig your acutely sharp claws into their neck and hoist yourself back up. They will be so pleased to see this milestone in your development, that they will howl with pleasure.

3 If you insist on sleeping in your poo box, your cuddle quota may be reduced alarmingly.

Guzzling Gloria4 Too small to drink from the flower vase? No problem. If you place your little chunky paws either side of the vase, it is possible to rock said vase to and fro until it topples over. You may then lap up some of the water unimpeded, and dance in the puddle afterwards. Bonus!

5 Never underestimate the importance of sharing. To keep your human busy, drop a toy at their feet. They will pick up the toy, shout “Fetch!” and throw it across the room. This means that they want the toy back – humans are a bit dense at times. If you run after the toy, pick it up in your teeth to carry it back to them and deposit it at their feet/on their lap, it will make them really happy. In fact, they will keep throwing the toy for as long as you keep bringing it back. After such a burst of activity they will then need a nap.

How to sleep when your feet have had a growth spurt

How to Survive Christmas with a Kitten


Gloria in her Christmas hat

Carefully retrieve your Christmas decorations from the attic.
Remove your kitten from the bag of baubles.
Assemble the Christmas tree.
Remove your kitten from the tree.
Untangle the fairy lights and lay them in lines along the floor.
Remove your kitten from the tree.
Plug in the fairy lights.
Watch your kitten’s eyes light up as she places her little mouth around one of the lit bulbs.
Switch off the fairy lights and spend 10 minutes untangling your kitten from the string of bulbs.
Start to wrap the lights around the tree.Remove your kitten from the Christmas tree...
Remove your kitten from the tree.
Enlist the support of a small boy to entertain your kitten.
Finish decorating the tree with the fairy lights.
Upon hearing a small boy’s squeal, turn round to see your kitten scampering off with a long piece of tinsel in her mouth.
Retrieve the tinsel from your kitten and decide that you don’t need tinsel this year anyway.
Grab the bag of baubles.
Remove your kitten from the bag of baubles.
Start to hang the baubles on the branches of the tree.
Observe your kitten boxing the baubles on the lower branches.
Raise the baubles to higher branches, leaving your kitten a small knitted stocking to throw about.
Stand back and admire your tinsel-free, half-decorated Christmas tree.
Remove your kitten from the tree.
Grab some Christmas paper to finish wrapping those last minute gifts.
Oooh good, wrapping paper!Roll out the paper on the floor.
Remove your kitten from the paper.
Using a large pair of scissors, cut the paper, avoiding your kitten’s chunky little paws as they swipe at the blades.
Observe all the crumples and scratch marks in the paper.
Screw up the paper, throw it across the room and watch with a chuckle as your kitten scampers off to play with it.
Roll out some more paper.
Watch as your kamikaze kitten appears from nowhere and lands in the middle of the wrapping paper.
Sigh loudly.
Cut another piece of paper and hastily wrap the present, taping up all the claw marks and holes in the paper. Well, the present needed some ventilation holes anyway.
Go and fetch some shiny ribbon to wrap round the present and so detract from the teeth marks and claw holes.
Cut a length of ribbon.Kitten teeth are great for curling ribbon
Chase after your kitten and retrieve the ribbon.
Tie the ribbon quickly round the present.
Note how your kitten’s teeth make a great tool for curling the ribbon.
Remove your kitten from the present.
Grab a packet of shiny foil bows.
Pick a bow to stick on the present.
Watch your kitten pick a bow too, and observe her running off with it in her mouth.
Oooh a shiny foil bow. My new friend.Note how your kitten comes back and picks another bow from the packet.
Laugh as she shimmies clumsily round the lounge with the bow.
Frown when your kitten comes back to pick yet another bow.
Hide the packet of bows.
Distract your kitten and place the present out of reach.
Remove your kitten from the tree.
Tip out some small gifts from a bag and place them on the wrapping paper.
Chase after your kitten as she runs off with one of the gifts in her mouth.Fun with wrapping paper
Retrieve the gift and count the teeth marks in it.
Look up to see your kitten gleefully charging about the room with another gift in her mouth.
Watch as she jumps down behind the sofa and secretes the gift in her HQ for Mischief and Mayhem.
Try to move the sofa, without success.
Watch as your kitten emerges from her HQ, sits on the arm of the sofa and smiles at you.
Shake your head and laugh. Maybe you’d bought too many presents anyway.
Remove your kitten from the Christmas tree.
Give up on the present wrapping and make your way to the tub of Roses chocolates.
Lick your lips, then curse when you see how many chocolates have been eaten already.
Go and find your boys and berate them for being so greedy.
Marvel at how convincing they are when the look at you with big, blue, confused eyes and say, “But we’ve hardly eaten any…”
The chocolate thief!Head back into the lounge in time to discover your kitten with her head in the Roses tub.
Watch as your kitten skedaddles with a wrapped chocolate between her teeth.
Follow your kitten to the dining room, where you discover her not-so-secret horde of stolen chocolates underneath the table.
Apologise to your boys.
Remove your kitten from the Christmas tree.
Who me? No, I don't know why an artificial tree would shed needles either.Ask your kitten why there are ‘pine needles’ across the floor, when you have an artificial tree.
Watch your kitten look at you with a big question mark over her head, as she runs her teeth along the branch of the tree and spits out the greenery.
Find the Christmas sherry, and take a good, long swig – you’ve earned it.
Sit down in your chair and sigh.
Watch as your kitten takes a flying leap and lands on your leg.
Wince with pain as your kitten practices her mountaineering skills by digging her claws in your flesh as she climbs up you.
Smile as your kitten reaches your face and headbutts you affectionately.
Feel the vibration of your kitten’s purr as she settles down and dozes off in your arms.
Reach across and grab a little Santa hat to plonk on your kitten’s head.
Survey the mess around you, plant a kiss on your kitten’s head and whisper contentedly, “Happy 1st Christmas, Gloria Chufflepuff”.

All Christmassed out!