balloons

New Discoveries

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Tufty Toes!The life of a kitten is a busy one. There is always something new to learn, something dangerously exciting to discover. Not to mention the concentration involved in growing a fabulously fluffy undercarriage and tremendously tufty toes. Yes, it’s been a busy few weeks for Gloria Chufflepuff. Here are some highlights:

Kitchen floors are ridiculously good fun.
It is possible to power slide in circles on a wooden floor and, with a little practice, you can even avoid smashing head first into the kitchen bin.

Did someone just touch my food bowl?Balloons are one of the best toys ever invented.
If you wallop them hard enough, they bounce all along the furniture. You can then hurtle off in hot pursuit, using your razor sharp claws as grappling hooks on the soft furnishings. Best of all, if you stick out your claws you can <pop> the balloon and then carry the soggy remains about in your mouth. Until your human staff member screams and wrestles it from your chops that is.

I love my feather dusterFeather dusters make splendid friends.
Even if they are bigger than you, it is still possible to transport them about the house by clamping one end in your mouth and dragging the rest along the floor between your legs. Beware the feather duster that fights back though. Whilst it seems like a soft target, it can deliver a swift kick back when you least expect it.

A puzzling puzzle...Train your human staff members.
If you want to play ‘fetch’ and there is no human around to oblige, you need to collect all the toys you can find and place them in a pile on your human’s favourite chair. The harder the toy, the better. You then need to knock over a cushion to keep the toys safe and hide them from view. The next time your human lowers themself to sit down in the chair, they will be delighted to discover your stash of carefully deposited items. So delighted in fact that they will throw each and every item all at once for you to retrieve.
Such training is vital and should be carried out on a regular basis. Humans are often slow to catch on.

"It wasnt me!"Cat furniture is never robust enough
You were in no way responsible for this cat-astrophe…and now you have nowhere to sleep. The world is going to end. Until your human staff member retrieves a hammer and some extra heavy duty fittings that is.

Delight can be short-lived.
Remember your excitement on the day you realised your tail had grown long enough to reach your mouth?
Remember how you swished your tail proudly to and fro, and each time you caught it in your mouth you chuckled away to yourself?
Remember how good it felt to have something new to play with?
Hmmm.
Then remember how you got a little too carried away and enthusiastically chomped down on it as if it was a furry kebab. OUCH!

My "coy" side - yes it says "coy" on my side.

 

Party Planning, Chuffin Cat Style

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Games Best Avoided048

Musical Chairs – By all means play some music.  Pick a Chair.  Just don’t pick the chuffin cat’s chair.  She won’t move.  Unless there’s food involved of course.

Hide and Seek – Initially you may think this is a good game to play with the chuffin cat.  Think again.  The fun of the search is completely ruined when you walk into the bedroom to be greeted by a purring wardrobe.

Dead Lions – No.  You will never win at this game.  The chuffin cat can lay on any surface and sleep.  For hours.  However if you lay down on any surface, she will eagerly take the opportunity to use your bladder as a springboard.  It’s been proven.  Repeatedly.

Rock, Paper, Scissors – Or as the chuffin cat calls it: slap, bash, wallop.  With added claws.  In other words *ouch*

Musical Statues – So you sit or stand in one position, motionless.  That’s what the chuffin cat practices for several hours a day.  Every day.  How on earth could you win?  Oh, and never enter into a staring contest with the chuffin cat either, unless you want to end up with an inferiority complex that is.  Plus if you find yourself inexplicably near the chuffin cat’s food bowl, you’ve most certainly been hypnotised.

Simon Says – Game or not, nobody tells the chuffin cat what to do.  Even if your name is Simon.

Pass the Parcel – Another bad idea.  If you hand something to the chuffin cat, you won’t get it back in a hurry.  Particularly if it’s wrapped in crackly paper.  Only once she has chewed it and boxed at it with her back legs will she relinquish her ownership of it … by which time you won’t want it back as it’ll be completely mangled and covered in cat dribble.

Recommended Games

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Balloons – Oh yes.  Balloons are a fantastic idea.  Particularly if there are small children around.  The resounding <pop> of a balloon when it meets a sharp claw is immensely satisfying.  Plus there’s nothing better than giving a human a heart attack at a party.

 

 

 

Karaoke – The chuffin cat rocks at this.  Feel free to join in with some harmonies, if you can sing soprano that is.

Salsa Dancing – The chuffin cat’s forte.  Particularly with an army of small rodents.  Just make sure you don’t tread on any though, as that could really ruin the party atmosphere.

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Oh, and just remember: if you lose sight of the chuffin cat at a party, she can usually be found in the corner of the room sucking on a bun case.  How uncouth.