How to Wrestle a Frog from a Chicken

Standard

1  Look the chicken in the eye and say in a very stern voice “DROP!”

2  Chase the chicken round the garden.

3  Offer the chicken a grape.  If the chicken drops the frog to eat the grape, problem solved.  If not, panic.

4  Stop panicking and fetch a strong boy.

5  Chase the chicken round the garden.

6  Wait for the chicken to run head-first into a bush.  Extract the chicken by grabbing it firmly and pulling it backwards.

7  Pick yourself up off the floor and chase the chicken round the garden.

8  Corner the chicken and grasp it firmly with both hands.  Instruct your boy to grab hold of the frog’s legs as they dangle from the chicken’s beak.

9  Shout “PULL!”

10  If the chicken’s eyes begin to bulge, you are gripping it too tightly.

11  If you end up with 2 uncooked chicken drumsticks in your hands, you are pulling too hard.

12  If your boy ends up with 2 frog’s legs in his hands, you can share the meal with the chicken.

13  As the frog starts to dislodge from your chicken’s beak, pray that the chicken’s innards don’t follow too.

14  Once chicken and frog are separated, make sure that the frog discovers a new talent for flying (preferably over the garden fence).

15  If the frog’s flying talent remains undiscovered, watch in dismay as your second chicken excitedly scoops it up in her beak.

16  Refer back to point number 1.

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