birthday

Fluffy Festivities

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Who me?

Gloria Chufflepuff Braveheart the first!
You might be a cutie, but you’re by far the worst
for fluffy attitude and arsiness and grumpiness galore,
when you don’t get your way and we shout out, “No more!”
as you cavort round the house, knocking things on the floor,
swinging from curtains and causing uproar.
Stalking the birds as you stare at the skies,
then running to hide from the big, bad magpies.
Splashing in water that you’re meant to drink
and shouting out, “Ham!” as you sit in the sink.
Swishing your tail and shaking your floof
with your nose in the air as you act all aloof.
Until darkness falls and you creep to my bed,
where you snore and fidget and sleep on my head
– one paw in my mouth, another up my nose.
Who knew that cats had such sharp elbows?!
But today is your birthday! I’ve tried not to shout
when you leaned in to kiss me but gave me a clout,
when you nuzzled my head and then spat in my hair,
when you coughed up a furball and fell off the chair.
Because we all still adore you even when you act tough.
Happy Birthday you infuriating bundle of fluff.

Blowing raspberries in the garden

 

An Important Day

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Dear Gloria

img_4417You may have woken me up at 6am (it’s Saturday, that’s really quite rude) by clattering a ping pong ball around the kitchen floor.

You may have run your teeth along my foot when I tried to go back to sleep.

You may have initiated an affectionate head-butt, but then turned at the last minute and yelled, “Sucker!” whilst slapping me round the face.

img_4525You may have insisted on going outside despite the rain lashing down, and then come in dragging wet leaves and debris across the freshly-vacuumed carpet.

img_4536You may have sat in the middle of the floor with your fur stuck up on end, looking like a giant fluffy porcupine, swiping away any offers of a towel, preferring instead to wipe your wet fur along the soft furnishings.

But today is an important day for you, so I didn’t shout.

I cleaned out your litter tray, since you prefer to use it like a ball pit, albeit with white grit in place of coloured balls.

I cooked a big roast beef meal, not because you like beef, but because you like the crispy bits from the roast potatoes.

img_4551I tried to take some pictures. You refused to smile for the camera.  You refused to sit still for the camera. You hate my camera.

I bought you presents, which I then wrapped in catnip-infused paper.  I did the same with the card I made for you too. You ignored that and chewed the foil bow instead.  You went berserk when you saw your new toy, but then ignored it when I removed the packaging.

But this is an important day for you.  Today is your second birthday.

And what did you do in return?

You decided to indulge me in a touch of forensic anthropology – my favourite subject. You left 3 dead mouse carcasses scattered in the front garden: fly-infested, mangled corpses, carefully placed in full view of the garden path.  Your very own body farm.  I only hope it wasn’t a warning for the postman.

img_4543So Happy Birthday, you mischievous heap of fluff and mayhem.  Here’s to another year of sleeplessness, irritability and attitude… I’m talking about you, not me, sweet cheeks.  Hope you’ve enjoyed your day more than I have *mwah*

with much love from the Chief Human Staff Member xx

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Things We Have Learnt In Gloria’s First Year

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Balloon Peek-a-Boo!

 

We recently celebrated Gloria Chufflepuff’s very first birthday! To mark this major milestone, here is a list of 10 things that she has taught us.

 

Gloria's motto for the dayNo box too small1 No box is ever too small.

2 The recycling bin is an endless source of amusement, with items to chew, mangle and throw about the house, particularly at night.

3 The optimum time to indulge in a spot of feline karaoke is at 4.45am.

4 We will never have a bath alone. Nor use the toilet in peace. Showers may be communal at the very last minute.

5 No bed is out of bounds. Even a bed behind a closed door. Human beds are far more comfortable than a soft, fleecy cat bed. Hell, even a concrete floor is more comfortable than a purpose-made cat bed.

What do you mean it's not my birthday any more?!6 You may dance in your water bowl, but you should never drink from it.

7 Shedding fur is a technical business. The rule: only leave white fur on a dark surface, and dark fur on a light surface.

8 A food bowl can never be too full.

9 It is impossible to play ‘hide and seek’ with a chicken; they squawk unexpectedly at the most inopportune of moments. Even games of ‘tag’ are somewhat one-sided. The best game to play with a chicken is ‘leapfrog’ – if you get it wrong, they provide a wonderfully soft landing.

10 A feather duster can be used for many things including chewing, biting, ambushing, pummelling, ninja warrior practice and carrying around the house using only your mouth. It should most certainly never be used for housework.

A big smile for the camera